Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
