Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
