Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
