I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
