i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
