you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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