I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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