You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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