please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
