omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
