dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
