tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
