'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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