"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
