Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
