I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
