hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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