I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
