I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
