**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
