I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
