The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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