those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
two words...techno handjob
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You ruined the universe
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
