i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
