He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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