Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize