Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
not ubering you a puppy
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