I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
