This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
