She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
