I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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