Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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