I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
