I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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