I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
