I think scott just propositioned me for sex
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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