Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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