In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
