My room smells like vodka and shame
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
