theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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