Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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