can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
