pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wish my penis had a tongue
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize