I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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