Non-Jews are for practice
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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