no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
