so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
