i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
