did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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