There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
