i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
