This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
