I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
