I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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