So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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