If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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