We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
