I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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