I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
