I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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