I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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