Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
