lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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