i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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