hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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