I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
