If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
