he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
