Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
