Need sex. Gaining weight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
