I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
