You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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