Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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