please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
