nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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