After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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