Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
