What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
