I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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